I'm at Soup!
by DragShot
Summary: She needed her here. She was supposed to be here in first place. Where in the gem homeworld was she? What did she mean she was at soup? A collection of one-shot parodies based in an epic scene from the Episode 16 of Code MENT.
1. I'm at Soup!

**AN:** ** _Velcome komrades!_** **This one-shot was inspired in that epic scene from the Episode 16 of Code MENT and the several derivative adaptations that were made from it, specially the one made by Krunkidile (YouTube/watch?v=4kqbKEqzsAI).**

 **Please do not hesitate in reporting any redaction mistakes. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **I'm at Soup!**  
 _A fiction short by DragShot_

There she was, a green individual with a peridot gemstone in her forehead. Cybernetic add-ons were present in her arms and legs.

Her battle ship was parked in a beach, in front of a small house and 4 other individuals, which kept themselves in their positions, unmoving, nervous due to the menacing giant green hand pointing with its finger at them. One of them was a garnet fusion, the other was a pearl showing slight sign of defectiveness, next to her was what seemed to be a sort of 'overcooked' kindergarten-made amethyst, and finally what seemed to be a simple human sibling.

Peridot formed a screen with her floating fingers and performed a call. She needed her here. She was supposed to be here in first place.

Where in the gem homeworld was she!?

\- **Eh... hello?** \- talked Peridot to the projected image of a orange jasper gem, with fluffy white hair.

\- **Hey, nerd. What's up?** \- the Jasper replied.

\- **I need your help with these gems, can you come here?** \- she asked, preparing the warship engines to perform a straight shoot.

\- **E-I can't** \- the Jasper replied, while scratching the back of her head - **I'm buying clothes.**

\- **What do you even need that for?** \- the shot impacted the beach gems, but they where protected by a suddenly summoned big rose shield - **Nevermind, just hurry up and come over here.**

\- **But I can't find them** \- replied Jasper with an awkward tone - **There's only soup.**

\- **What do you mean there's only soup?** \- asked the green gem, while making the warship fire in dispersion.

\- **I mean there's only soup!** \- said Jasper, a bit irritated.

\- **Then get outta the soup aisle, you clod!** \- scowled Peridot, jumping down from the ship to land on the soft beach sand.

\- **Hey, you don't have to shout at me!** \- replied Jasper, now annoyed.

The orange beefy gem walked in an odd way through the store to a nearby aisle.

\- **... There's more soup.** \- she announced.

\- **Whatd'ya mean there's more soup!?** \- the green dorito was growing impatient, watching the garnet fusion run towards her.

\- **There's just more SOUP!** \- answered the big cheeto puff.

\- **Go into the next aisle!** \- requested her, stabbing the fusion with a gem destabilizer she pulled out in the last second. A crack noise could be heard shortly after, and then the gem fusion was no more.

\- **There's still soup!** \- replied the orange gem.

\- **Jasper, where are YOU right now!?** \- asked Peridot, while the fingers in her right hand aligned to form an electro canon, charging a shot.

\- **I'm at SOUP!** \- was heard from the screen. **  
**

- **Whatd'ya mean you're AT SOUP!?** \- an explosion could be head, two of the gems yelling in pain and poofing back to their gemstones.

\- **I MEAN I'M AT SOUP!** \- replied an angry Jasper.

\- **WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN!?** \- asked Peridot, looking even more green than she was from the irritation while she was walking forward and picking up the remaining gemstones.

\- **I'M AT THE SOUP STORE!** \- shouted Jasper.

Peridot stopped dead on her tracks, dropped the gemstones and the scared child, while watching incredulous to the gem at the other side of the video call.

She facepalmed, furiously.

\- **WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE!?** \- shouted Peridot in absolute exasperation.

\- **FUUUCK YOUUU!** \- was the only response Jasper could shout before the call was cut ended.

* * *

 **NA: Yeah, yeah, the plot wasn't _soupposed_ to make sense in first place. I hope you liked it!**

 **Thanks for reading.**


	2. I'm at Soup Too!

**AN: It seems to be time for another one-shot, but I'm posting it as part of the same fic just to give the first one a chance to be seen by more people. This section is really active as hell! The poor thing got buried in less than a day.  
**

 **This time, the situation goes between Pearl and Amethyst. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **I'm at Soup Too!**  
 _A fiction short by DragShot_

It was a Thursday in the beach house as any other for the slender, pale-skinned gem known as Pearl. That morning, it was time to gather up the Steven's dirty clothes and put them all into the washing machine. And the kid could get really dirty these days, due mainly to the rising number of missions he was taking part in.

Good thing he always put all his clothes in the basket once used. They were supposed to be there, as always, right?

Well, no. They weren't.

Pearl stood in front of the living room, stunned. There was the basket, yes, but it had been thrown off the table; and all the clothes were lying literally everywhere in the house.

There was only one person... no, one **gem** , who could be able to cause this mess. She enjoyed doing it, Pearl knew that as a fact.

Pearl thanked the memory of Rose, former leader of the Crystal Gems, for Steven having the idea of getting cellphones for everyone. It took them a while to get used to their functioning, some of them more than the others, some less, but they all got the hang of it at last. Now, whenever they needed to regroup for some incoming mission or anything else, distance wasn't a problem anymore.

Pearl took her phone and dialed the number of Amethyst. She wasn't going to escape. Not this time.

\- **Hello?** \- said Pearl after the series of buzzing sounds stopped.

\- **Yo Pearl, whazzup?** \- replied the purple gem on the other side of the call.

\- **Amethyst, I know you threw Steven's clothes to the floor.** \- said the pale gem while looking at the disaster and putting back the basket in place - **Now come here and help me pick them up!**

\- **Aww, cheez!...** \- replied Amethyst - **Does it have to be right now? I'm buying clothes.**

\- **... You know you can simply spawn the clothes you need, right?** \- requested Pearl, as she began to pick some magenta t-shirts on her own - **Anyway, just hurry up, Amethyst.**

\- **Well, I would... if I could find them, but I can't.** \- replied Amethyst - **There's only soup.**

\- **What?** \- asked a confused Pearl, while putting the clothes she got back into the basket. - **What do you mean there's only soup?**

\- **I mean there's only soup, genius!**

\- **Well, get out of the soup aisle then!** \- said a sightly irritated Pearl. She had to be doing this on purpose. The was no way she could be that stupid.

Or could she?

Pearl picked up more t-shirts.

\- **Alright,** ** **alright**! No need to shout at me!** \- ranted Amethyst. Some footsteps were heard. - **Hmm... there's more soup right here.**

\- **What do you mean there's more soup?** \- asked Pearl, delivering the t-shirts and picking up more.

\- **There's just more soup!**

\- **Go into the next aisle!** \- said an impatient Pearl, still picking up t-shirts.

\- **There's still soup!**

\- **Amethyst, where are you right now!?** \- Pearl had put more t-shirts on the basket, picking it up this time.

\- **I'm at soup!**

\- **What do you mean you are at soup!?** \- asked Pearl, now with the phone between her neck and shoulder, picking up t-shirts from the surroundings with her left arm and putting them on the basket hold in her right arm individually.

\- **I mean I'm AT SOUP!** \- replied an annoyed Amethyst.

Was is that hard to understand or she really wasn't finding the correct words for it? Amethyst hated to death getting in these kind of situations with her teammate.

\- **What STORE are you in!?** \- Pearl stopped picking up clothes. This was too much.

\- **I'M AT THE SOUP STORE!**

\- **WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES IN THE SOUP STORE!?** \- asked an exasperated Pearl, throwing the basket behind her and holding furiously her phone with both hands. The clothes were all on the floor again.

Perfect.

\- **FUCK YOUUU!** \- was all what Amethyst could yell before the call was cut ended.

* * *

 **AN: Hmm... I could make this a thing. What do you think? Do you have any ideas more more one-shots? Do you think that's enough soup already?**

 **Come on, guys. I'm looking for your replies but there's only soup in there! (And, well, two comments and one "xD" reaction).**

 **Don't forget to report any grammar mistakes I may have committed. As a Grammar Nazi myself, I will appreciate a lot any corrections.**


	3. The Rise of the Soup-Branied Man!

**AN: Annon, you're a f#cking genius!**

 **It's Sadie and Lars' turn, everybody!**

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 **I'm at Soup 3: The Rise of the Soup-Branied Man!**  
 _A fiction short by DragShot_

Sundays were usually the days when you could forget everything and get some good rest. Well, not for the employees of a known donut shop in Beach City.

The Big Donut was the favorite of almost everyone, basically for two reasons: first, it had the very best donuts in miles; and second, they're the only shop at the very center of the small town, in front of the beach, which was just the perfect place for a snacks shop.

Seriously, nobody could argue to going there by walk just to purchase a pair of donuts. It was near enough, and worth it.

And, just like any other Sunday afternoon, there was a queue of people waiting their turn to buy one of those delicious sweet things.

That wouldn't be a problem... if **he** were here.

Lars was missing again, doing only God knows what.

A short chubby girl with blond hair was the only one in service. She just didn't understand how her colleague hadn't been fired yet, considering this was far from being the first time he evaded work this way.

Maybe it was because she never told the shop owner a word about it, yeah.

In the end, she had a crush on him, of course. That was why.

She worked as efficiently and quickly as she could, because a part of her simply preferred that Lars was having a nice Sunday, even if he didn't deserve it; but the queue simply kept getting longer. Eventually, she had to apologize with the current customer for putting him on hold, and perform a call.

To ensure people to know this call was important, he turned the hands-free speaker on.

\- **Hello?** \- said Sadie, trying to ensure Lars wouldn't have a chance to reject the call right after replying to it, cellphone in her right hand.

\- **Hey, what's up?** \- replied Lars, fresh like if nothing happened.

\- **Lars, there are a lot of customers in the shop. I need your help, can you come here?** \- she asked.

\- **I can't right now,** \- he replied - **I'm buying clothes.**

\- **Seriously?** **buying clothes during work time?** \- she said, not being able to believe it. - **Hugh... just** **hurry up and come over here.**

One or two customers couldn't avoid paying attention to the conversation now.

\- **I can't find 'em, there's only soup.** \- replied Lars.

Well, this was going to take a while. Saddie was already dead sure of that, so she placed her cellphone between her neck and her shoulder and continued working.

\- **What do you mean there's only soup?** \- the blonde girl asked to the phone - **Here you are, sir.** \- she added, doing her job while covering the phone with her right hand, for it to not interfere with her call so the small brains of him didn't get confused about the situation.

\- **... Means there's only soup.** \- her sort of impossible love explained.

\- **Then get outta the soup aisle!** \- she said, while receiving the money from another purchase.

\- **Aight, you don't have to shout at me!** \- shouted Lars. Some footsteps were heard for a moment. - **There's more soup.** \- he concluded.

\- **Whatdya mean there's more soup!?** \- asked she, now intrigued.

\- **There's just more soup!** \- he replied, as another satisfied customer was leaving the shop.

\- **Go into the next aisle!** \- she exclaimed - **Ehm- Good afternoon ma'am, what's your order?**

\- **Actually,** \- the customer said - **I would prefer you to finish you call first.**

\- **Oh, that's really appreciated.** \- thanked Sadie.

\- **There's still soup!** \- he said through the phone.

He couldn't be serious.

Some people from the queue snickered due to the little show in front of them.

\- **Dude, where are you right now!?** \- Sadie asked, annoyed.

\- **I'm at SOUP!** \- was Lars' answer.

\- **Whatdya mean you're AT SOUP!?** \- she questioned, now holding the phone in her left hand and raising her right one.

\- **I MEAN I'M AT SOUP!** \- replied Lars, who now seemed to be annoyed too.

This had to be a joke! And more people were holding their laughs thanks to this.

\- **WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?!**

\- **I'M AT THE SOUP STORE!**

That was it. Sadie could handle a lot of things, but this?... This was just too much.

Sadie picked the phone with both hands, shaking it wildly while exclaiming to it as if he was here and she had grabbed him of his sweaty t-shirt.

\- **Why in the GODDAMN HELL are you buying CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!** \- shouted the girl, in exasperation.

\- ... **FUCK YOU!** \- was the only thing the boy could reply before he ended the call.

Probably the big idiot didn't even notice he was at the wrong store.

The customers that were there could have agreed in one thing: the silly discussions of the couple working at The Big Donut constituted the third reason of their preference for the shop over any other in the area.

* * *

 **AN: How couldn't I have thought of that before? Thanks Anon!**

 **And I just got an idea for a fourth one, so I'm taking out the 'Complete' status for a while.**


	4. Garnet's Shades of Soup!

**AN: It's time for our favorite fusion couple! Hope you like it!  
**

* * *

 **I'm at Soup 4: Garnet's Shades of Soup!**  
 _A fiction short by DragShot_

It was a nice night of Wednesday, in which Steven and Sapphire were watching TV. Although it is unusual for both parts of Garnet to be split up, this time the situation really demanded it: Garnet was in charge of going to buy Steven some new clothes, but in that moment their favorite TV novel was airing; so they solved Ruby to go buy the clothes and Sapphire to stay with Steven, watching the episode. Then, by simply fusing, Ruby would know what happened. It would be like if Garnet was doing both things at time.

What, in practice, was what she was doing.

Half of the episode passed, and the red gem wasn't back from the store yet. Worried, and taking advantage of the commercials cut, Sapphire pulled out Steven's cellphone and dialed her loved companion.

A series of buzzy sounds could be heard for a while, then the small gem's voice replied.

\- **Yes?** \- was heard from the smartphone.

\- **Hello Ruby, it's me.** \- said Sapphire.

\- **Oh, hey babe.** \- greeted Ruby, holding a Nokia 2112 phone in her right hand - **How's it going?**

\- **Fine.** \- the blue gem replied - **I was wondering how were you going with the clothes.**

\- **Well...** \- the red gem explained - **I don't know, I... I can't find them. There's only soup.**

\- **What do you mean there's only soup?** \- asked Saphhy.

\- **I mean there's only soup!** \- answered Ruby.

\- **Hmm... try leaving the soup aisle.** \- said Sapphire, emotionless.

\- **Grr!... fine...** \- grouched Ruby.

And there she goes again. Sapphire could be so annoying sometimes. So distant, so cold, and so smart-ass because of that future vision of hers; but still, she loved her enough to not stand being away from her for too long.

That just made things worse, though.

The red gem walked across several sections, then stopped in front of a really big tower of... soup cans.

\- **There's more soup.** \- she concluded.

\- **What do you mean there's more soup?** \- asked the blue gem.

\- **I mean there's just more SOUP!** \- the red gem replied.

\- **Go into the next aisle!** \- said a sightly annoyed Sapphy.

\- **There's still soup!** \- replied Ruby, after checking another stand of soup cans behind her.

\- **Ruby, where exactly are you right now?** \- questioned the blue gem.

The red gem looked for something would tell her where she was. Godness, even she wasn't sure.

\- **I'm...** \- she tried to explain - **I'm at soup!**

\- **What do you mean you're at soup?** \- asked Sapphire, not satisfied with such an answer.

\- **Gah!... I mean I'm AT SOUP!** \- shouted Ruby, growing impatient, her left hand made a fist.

\- **No, Ruby! What STORE are you in!?** \- demanded the long haired, blue gem.

\- **I'm... I'M AT THE SOUP STORE!** \- replied a furious Ruby.

\- **WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE!?** \- shouted Sapphire, for once, exasperated.

\- **DAAAAAAH!** \- shouted Ruby, unable to control her anger any more. - **FUUUCK YOUUU!**

\- **R-Ruby?** \- said Sapphire, in a futile attempt to stop her soul mate's madness.

\- **FUCK YOU!** \- continued the red gem, holding her hair with her left hand - **FUCK YOU! FUK U! Fuk u! Fuk u! Fuk u, fuk u, fuk u... FUCK EVERYTHING!**

Not knowing what to do, the furious gem held her phone with both hands, then threw it against the floor as hard as she could.

A noisy crack was listened, and white fragments flied all around.

\- **Ruby?** \- was head from the still intact cellphone - **Ruby! Control yourself! We do not need to be banned from YET ANOTHER STORE! Much less from the SOUP STORE!**

The red gem stopped dead in her tracks. She had just opened a huge hole in the floor with that little thing!

\- **Oh gems...** \- she said to herself, in awestruck - **that Nokia shit was real.**

* * *

 **AN: There are two more requested parodies, so I'm going to work in them too.**


	5. Fries 'n Soup!

**AN: I'm BAAAAAAAAACK! I finally came with a proper plot for the two requested one-shots, so I've written them before I forgot. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **I'm at Soup 5: Fries 'n Soup!  
** _A fiction short by DragShot_

The sun was setting in Beach City. This usually meant a decrease of activity in most of the town, except for "Beach Citywalk Fries". Such a store didn't know of calm nights on weekends, because most of people preferred to eat a nice bunch of fries during nighttime.

The group known by our hybrid hero as as The Cool Kids were the diners who started the rush hour. Mr. Fryman was in there at the moment, and both of his sons were nowhere to be seen. He knew Pedee was unavailable at the moment, so that only left Ronaldo.

That lazy, immature boy. And he was the oldest of his children.

While preparing a bit portion of fries, the family guy and owner of fast-food restaurant pulled out his cellphone and dialed him; then placed it between his neck and her shoulder as he used both of his hands on the fryer. After a moment, the buzzing sounds stopped.

\- **Hello?** \- said the man at the phone.

\- **Oh, hey dad. What's up?** \- replied his young son.

\- **Son, you know what time is it, right?** \- asked Mr. Fryman - **Pedee isn't here. I need your help with the people** **, can you come?**

\- **Eh... I can't** \- answered Ronaldo - **I'm, buying clothes.**

\- **Alright then, hurry up and come over here.** \- said the man, while pulling the portion out of the fryer and putting a new raw one in.

\- **I can't find them,** \- his son declared - **there's only Soup.**

\- ****Whatdya** mean there's only soup?** \- asked an intrigued Mr. Fryman.

\- **Means there's only soup, dad.** \- replied Ronaldo.

\- **Then get out of the soup aisle!** \- exclaimed the family man, rising his right hand - _**God, this is why I still need you, Irene**_ \- he thought.

\- **Alright! I'll do it, no need to shout at me!** \- said his son, annoyed. Some steps were heard from the phone. - **Bah, there's more soup.** \- he concluded.

\- **Whatdya mean there's more soup?** \- asked Mr. Fryman, while shaking a bit the bask with portion of fries being cooked.

\- **There's just more soup!** \- replied Ronaldo.

\- **Go into the next aisle!** \- ordered the old man immediately, growing impatient.

\- **There's still soup!** \- his son replied.

\- **Son, where ARE you right now!?** \- asked him, leaving his fries for a moment and looking at the roof.

\- **I'm at SOUP!** \- said Ronaldo.

\- **What do you mean you're at soup!?** \- asked Mr. Fryman, pulling out the second portion of fries, out of three.

\- **I mean I'm AT SOUP!** \- was the reply he heard.

\- **What STORE are you IN!?** \- demanded to know the restaurant's owner.

\- **I'M AT THE SOUP STORE!** \- Ronaldo replied.

\- **WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE!?** \- shouted the man in exasperation, grabbing his cellphone in front of him with his now greasy hands.

\- **FUCK YOUUUUU-!** \- yelled his son at the phone and the call was cut ended. The impact was such that Mr. Fryman's cellphone slipped from his hands and fell into the fryer, damaging the device beyond repair immediately.

The man just beheld the scene, and how a phone he had for years and took the saving of several months to buy got lost in the burning oil.

\- **Oh boy, you're gonna be sooo screwed up when you come back.** \- he said to himself.

* * *

 **AN: This leaves me with only one request ahead. If you would like so see another pair of SU characters facing this situation, you can post it in the reviews area. Story reviews and grammar alerts will be appreciated too, as usual.**


	6. Soup Quartz!

**AN: Did somebody ask for Stevonnie? Take some Stevonnie!**

 **I mean the shipping, not the fusion.**

* * *

 **I'm at Soup 6: Soup Quartz!**  
 _A fiction short by DragShot_

An afternoon of Sunday, a dark skinned girl was in her bedroom, wearing a light blue dress and white socks. Connie was lying on her bed, listening to some music when she realized something, and had a bad feeling about it.

She stood up and went towards her sports bag. She had arrived from her latest sword training session with Pearl just an hour ago, but now that she tried, she couldn't remember herself giving her sword back to be stored in the gem's room in the temple.

And there it was.

\- **Goddammit!** \- she said to nobody - **My parents are going to kill me if they find me with this thing!**

Quickly, she stopped the music and pulled her cellphone. He had to come NOW. A series of buzzing sounds made itself present for a while.

\- **Ehm... hello, Steven?**

\- **Oh, hi Connie.** \- greeted out hero - **What's up?**

\- **Steven, I need your help.** \- she started.

\- **What's the matter?** \- asked Steven, sounding less cheery.

\- **It's the sword I use during my practices.** \- she explained - **I forgot to give it back and I have no place to hide it in here. Mom and Dad always check my bag so that isn't an option. Can you please come over here to take it back?**

\- **Well, I would like to** \- was listened from the phone - **but I can't. I'm buying clothes.**

Perfect. It had to be just now!

\- **Alright?... y-you can hurry up and come on Lion maybe?** \- asked Connie.

The kid looked at his surroundings. There was only one kind of thing at sight.

\- **I can't find them,** \- replied Steven - **there's only soup.**

Now what was he talking about?... Soup?

\- ****What'd you** mean there's only soup?** \- questioned the girl.

\- **Means there's only soup** \- he tried to explain.

\- _**Oh boy...**_ \- she though, then spoke up - **Then get out of the soup aisle!**

\- **Aww, come on...** \- pleaded Steven - **You don't have to use that tone on me.**

The kid walked away, looking for another aisle. Hopefully he would find something that looked more like clothes in there.

\- **Eh... Connie?...** \- said him, awkwardly - **There's more soup.**

\- **What'd you mean there's more soup?** \- she asked, with a higher tone than usual in her voice.

\- **I dunno. There's...** \- our hero answered - **there's just more soup.**

Was this kid walking in circles or what!?

\- **Go into the next aisle!** \- she demanded.

Steven did as he was said. His luck didn't seem to change. Something started to seem really odd to him.

Like if he hadn't noticed something.

\- **There's still soup!** \- he confirmed.

\- **Steven, where ARE you right now!?** \- asked Connie, running out of patience.

\- **Let's see...** \- said Steven.

Did he even have an actual idea about where he was standing!?

Steven tried quickly to find any announcement or signboard, but only a word came in.

\- **I'm at Soup.** \- he answered.

Was that even a place!?

\- **What'd you mean you're at SOUP!?** \- she asked, now annoyed.

\- **I-I mean I'm AT SOUP!** \- replied Steven.

\- **NO! What STORE are YOU in!?** \- Connie asked again.

\- **Ehm-... I-I'm... I'M AT THE SOUP STORE!** \- he yelled.

Then the realization came to Steven, as he got really nervous, at the verge of panic. So _that_ was what he had forgotten.

And now, she was mad. Real mad. Oh no...

\- **WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE!** \- yelled an exasperated Connie, holding and shaking violently her cellphone with both of her hands.

Crap. Crap! CRAP! What to do?... What to _say_ now!?

First thing... just throw it out ASAP!

\- **FUCK MEEEE-!** \- shouted him in reply and immediately ended the call.

Wait, wait, wait... what?

Did he just _say_ what he said?

Ok, that HAD to be a mistake. The poor kid is still learning his first curses.

Yeah, he is, right?

\- **Wh-what the hell?** \- murmured the girl to herself, madly blushing while looking at her cellphone, eyes wide in awestruck.

* * *

 **AN: I bet you guys didn't see that coming.**

 **And this concludes the collection of one-shots, at least for now. Requests are still OPEN though.**


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